theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
