new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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