Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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