Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
