We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
