I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
