Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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