He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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