I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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