Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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