you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
