Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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