This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
