And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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