Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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