Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
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I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
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Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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