So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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