oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
