Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
