I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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