The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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