I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
