i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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