I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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