He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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