I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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