I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
