I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
