dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
