And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
