No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
