I wanna bring you to show and tell
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize