im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
