I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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