what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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