so let's talk penis.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
