Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
