life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
