I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
