pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
