he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
