New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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