My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
