Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
