Do you still have your period?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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