laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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