i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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