The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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