New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
