she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
