Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Operation Purity has been aborted
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
