Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
