I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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