i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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