just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Houston, we have a blender
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
be right there i have to get my cape
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
