singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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