"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
