in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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