At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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