Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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