i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
