look no pants
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
