addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize