he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize