What a fucking waste of an outfit
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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