Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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