You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
