people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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