Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
