JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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