Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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