oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
